A Song that Needs to Take a Dirt Nap

MacArthur Park

I fucking HATE this song. The second I hear this song it makes me want to start randomly punching people in the face.


"Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again"


I mean... my hands were literally twitching and trying to form themselves into flying fists as I typed that.


What a fucking douchebag of a song.

A Disturbing Trend

Whilst perusing the WBJ (that's the Wichita Business Journal for those of you not in the know... which, p.s., what kind of loser are you anyway?), I started pondering a terrifying trend.

One of the weekly features in the WBJ is where they poll 5 or 6 local business muckety-mucks about a topical issue. This week the issue was what their company was planning for their office holiday party.

I'll be goddamned if most of them didn't say that they only had a party for their employees' children and a luncheon, or, even more mind-boggling, NOTHING until a party sometime in February or Spring.

What the fucking shit?

I'm pretty sure if you have a Christmas party in February or fucking Spring it is no longer a Christmas party! It's a party... and probably a pretty lame one at that.

My whole life I've been hearing about office party debauchery... and to be honest it has become one of the major reasons I've stayed in my current position as long as I have.

Apparently the law firm I work for is AWESOME. We have incredible Christmas parties every year... specifically designed around everyone's favorite Christmas activity: getting totally shit-faced drunk.

This year we had a catered party at the fancy schmancy restaurant on the top floor of our building. We had the entire place to ourselves. There was an open bar. There was no entertainment provided.

Why?

Because entertainment (like some jackoff singing Christmas carols) would have gotten in the way of what our parties are truly about: getting totally shit-faced drunk.

Then after a couple of hours of that we got on a bus and drank more and pretended to look at Christmas lights. It was awesome.

Mind you, no one ended up with a lampshade on their head or photo-copying their genitals, but that's really only a technicality because there weren't any lampshades or copy machines available to us.

We still had plenty of people make incredible fools of themselves. And some of those people I like better now... 1. because it makes them more human and 2. because it gave the entire office something to gossip about for the entire holiday season.

Besides people making fools of themselves is what Christmas is all about... well that and cream cheese.

Anti-Awesome

Here we encounter an Awesome phenomenon.... a dichotomy, if you will, wherein something that is awesome (Henry) does something that is incredibly not at all awesome (peeing on my leg).

My mother thinks it's sign of his love and devotion for me... that he is, in fact, marking his beloved territory.

I think he's still pissed about the bee costume I made him wear on Saturday (don't worry... there will be photos... oh my will there ever be photos).

Anti-Awesome

Kids, you have to do more than one exercise when you work out. Maybe try to switch it up every once in awhile and work on your legs a little.

Just an idea.

Also... take it easy on the eyebrow pencil.