Anti-Awesome

Kids, you have to do more than one exercise when you work out. Maybe try to switch it up every once in awhile and work on your legs a little.

Just an idea.

Also... take it easy on the eyebrow pencil.

Everton!

So it's pretty much not a secret that I love soccer. It's like a totally irrational love. It's the kind of love that makes me drive down Soccer's street 15 times on a Friday night trying to imagine what Soccer is doing and what it is thinking about.

Anyways... so initially (when I first became a soccer fan) my biggest criteria in determining which teams I like best was to assess which teams had the cutest players (which... btw is Chelsea or Liverpool in England and Real Madrid in Spain), but as I learned more about the game the more I learned to appreciate other things... like... oh... I don't know... skill.

This is why Everton is my favorite team in the ENTIRE WORLD.

Maybe you've heard of them... maybe you haven't because they aren't Chelsea or Manchester United.

They're based in Liverpool and they pretty much have it all.

• Skill: Meet Andy Johnson. He is incredible. God bless him and his perfectly round bald head.


• Looks: Meet Mikel Arteta. He's Spanish. Sweet Jesus. Oh... and he's pretty good at soccer too.


• Underdog Status: God knows I love an underdog... I mean I'm a Cubs fan for Christ's sake.


• Great Nickname: The Toffees. I don't think it's possible to not like a team named after one of the great candies on the face of the planet.

Trend Alert! Persol Sunglasses

I don't know a lot of things, but one thing I do know is sunglasses.

And that is why I feel comfortable making this brazen prediction: vintage Persol sunglasses are the new vintage Ray-Ban Wayfarers.

Every hipster (with daddy's money) from here to Tennessee will be sporting these bad boys, and, frankly, I can't blame them.

Tallulah Bankhead

Last night I was watching Lifeboat starring Miss Tallulah Bankhead, and I started thinking about what a ballsy broad she was.

A sometime lesbian/coke addict/nympho who was a member of the Algonquin Round Table and hated to wear underwear.

Basically, I was thinking that she's pretty much exactly the kind of friend I would like to have.

And then I came to my senses and realized that she's actually the kind of friend that you think that you would want because any association with her would make you feel like a worldly bon vivante, but in reality you would mostly just be mortified every time she walked into a party and lifted her skirt to show off her hoo-haa or said something in the realm of this delightful quote: "I was raped in our driveway when I was eleven. You know darling, it was a terrible experience because we had all that gravel."

Ahhhh... Tallulah. Such class and elegance. I nominate you for most Awesome Person of September 2007.