How to Gain Self-Esteem for Less Than $2

Today I discovered something amazing.

Okay... I didn't discover it because it's probably been on the shelves of every grocery store for years, but today my taste buds discovered the greatest cake mix on the planet.

Kids, Betty Crocker French Vanilla cake mix is gonna blow your mind.

I know it's weird to think that a cake mix could blow your mind, but it happens sometimes... they just don't like to mention it on the news because it scares people.

If you make this and put homemade frosting on it no one will ever know you kinda sorta cheated and they will think you are incredible. People will weep. Dogs and nuns will dance in the streets. It will be amazing.

And if you act really smug about not giving up your top secret recipe they will ache with jealousy and you will feel really good about yourself.

Things I Have Learned About By Watching Crap Reality Television

I shouldn't admit this, but I sorta kinda like the 'Real Housewives' shows on Bravo.

I'm not going to even try to defend myself.

But I did learn about something handy on a recent episode of The Real Housewives of New York... The Skinny Girl Margarita.



I usually drink vanilla vodka and Diet Coke (My friends and I call it a 'Skinny Bitch'), but this is a really good option.

Plus, I think everyone should be drinking more tequila... just in general.

More Internet Fun... of the Serious Variety

I've devised a list of things for you to do on the internet machine in order to become more like me.

I'm going to need you to commit to doing this every single day without exception. I'm also going to need you to buy a pair of yoga pants that you will never take off no matter what.



First, you are going to play at least 4 hours of Alchemy.


Then you are going to log some time watching these great You Suck at Photoshop videos. Man oh man, you will be laughing and learning about Photoshop.


I think after you do that you'll need to play several more hours of Alchemy, though. And then some Bubble Shooter... and then maybe some more Alchemy, or Mozaki Blocks if you are sick of that.

After that spend maybe a couple of days intermittently reading the entire archives at Dooce and watching Season 1 of 30 Rock on Netflix.

Also watch this video of a baby panda sneezing at least 15 times.


Then maybe take a quick catnap for 9 hours and start over again.

Did You Know...

... that the BEST store on the internet is the Vermont Country Store?


I appreciate any store, brick and mortar or otherwise, where I can buy a can of scrapple, a makeup hood , and some lube in one trip.


Whadya need? I bet Vermont Country Store has it!

Granny panties? Check.

Lady Esther skin cream? Check.

A Vibrat... oops... I mean an intimate massager? Check.





Okay... I've expressed it in a very flippant way, but I seriously love the Vermont Country Store. It's probably my single favorite catalog to look through.

And one thing they have that I love are old lady nightgowns.

For years I slept in old t-shirts and yoga pants and then this past Fall I decided it would be cozy to have a flannel nightgown... so I bought this one (in Black Watch) from L.L. Bean. It was heaven.

I never knew looking like Laura Ingalls Wilder could feel so good.

I've had trouble finding other nightgowns because one of my absolute requirements is that it has to be at least ankle length... most places only have nightgowns that hit at around mid-calf or shorter.

This absolutely will not work because if I'm going to go all Little House on the Prairie.. well, I'm going to do it right, and I'm going to do it big.

So I found this great muslin nightgown at... you guessed it... the Vermont Country Store.

Seriously... you can't get much more Ma Ingalls than that.

They also have a lot of other really random, kinda old-fashioned stuff, and it's kind of a case of something being so uncool that it's cool, but in an ironic way.

Look into it.

Hipster Alert!

So a couple of days ago I was flipping through the channels, as I am often wont to do, and as I flipped past our local PBS station my attention was momentarily caught by a whole of crowd of people absolutely breaking it down on the dance floor.





I quickly flipped back and witnessed a whole pack of people grooving so hard to a band on Austin City Limits that I just had to stop and check it out. I mean, these people looked like they were at a camp meeting or something. It was awesome.








So here I am today with my new favorite band that everyone else has probably heard of already, but since they are new to me they make me feel like a pioneer of new and interesting music.... Ghostland Observatory!


Ghostland Observatory consists of two guys... one plays the guitar and sings and the other plays drums and synthesizers and all kinds of malarkey. I call them 'Pocahontas Braid Guy' and 'Cape-y Guy'.

They are from Austin and they rock ass so hardcore you WILL NEVER RECOVER.... and you will never be able to get their songs out of your head... but in a really good way.


To me they sound like a combo of The White Stripes and Chromeo, but with extra awesome thrown in as a bonus.

My personal favorite song, so far, is Rich Man, which is the song that the hipster kids on Austin City Limits were getting down to... it's such a great song... I can hardly blame them.

A Song that Needs to Take a Dirt Nap

MacArthur Park

I fucking HATE this song. The second I hear this song it makes me want to start randomly punching people in the face.


"Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again"


I mean... my hands were literally twitching and trying to form themselves into flying fists as I typed that.


What a fucking douchebag of a song.